Many parents find the rush of the morning before school hectic and sometimes stressful. Our children may feel this stress too, particularly when having a busy morning routine again after a school break.

Some children may feel anxious about attending school

and not want to leave their parents/carers. 

For some children this is called separation anxiety.

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So, how can we start the day in a calm way and reduce our child’s anxiety?

It starts with the night before! Review your child’s bedtime routine. Is it as calm as it could be?

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Predictable activities help - tea, talking time, bath, story, bed.

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Plan ahead. Prepare as much as possible the night before eg. get uniform ready, pack lunch done, breakfast laid out for the morning - anything to reduce the busyness of the morning.

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Create a visual timetable or checklist. Children function best with a predictable routine. Create a checklist together with your child about what needs to happen next - get dressed, have breakfast, brush teeth, toilet, get bag ready, put shoes on, out the door. 

Using pictures can help young children. 

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Reward reluctant or anxious children when they are fully ready to leave the house. Keep rewards simple, cheap and short – a 5-minute cartoon or read a short story to them. 

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Be positive yourself. Talk about all the good things that your child enjoys at school, no matter how small. Keep conversation light, short and upbeat. If your child sees that you are ok with their anxiety, they may feel more confident. Look happy and smiley yourself!

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Manage anxious talk. Children may want to talk about school worries in the morning, but doing this may only increase their anxiety. Encourage them to talk about their worries the day before. Create a Talking/Worry Time for your child each day after school. Choose a time when they are not hungry or tired, perhaps after tea. Keep the time short - 15 minutes at most. Use paper and pens if your child likes writing or drawing. Tell them this is a time to chat about anything but also to talk about any worries for the next day.

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Distract, Distract, Distract! On your journey to school, help distract your child’s worry thoughts. Play I-spy, use songs or rhymes, use your senses (tell me 5 things you see, hear, smell, touch), use exercise if you walk (do 5 hops, 4 jumps, 3 skips etc). 

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Use transition objects. Give something to your child to help them know you are thinking of them when they separate from you to go into school - something they can keep safely in their bag just to know it is there. A picture of you, a piece of soft material that you have both cuddled or a little note to say you love them. If your child has packed lunch you could put a different note in their box each day saying something lovely about them.

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Create a quick and positive good-bye ritual together with your child. ‘One kiss, one hug, one fist bump’ do a ‘high-five’ etc. 

Remind your child that you will see them very soon and if you have something to look forward to after school, remind them of that. Prolonging the good-bye will only serve to increase anxiety. Keep it short and sweet. 

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Stories can help – We recommend ‘The Invisible String’ by Patrice Karst. You can find this story read for free on YouTube. It looks at how a child is always connected with their parent/carer, even if they are not together.